The Soccer Mom Vote

The Feminine Mistake: Are We Giving Up Too Much (A Book Review with a Giveaway too!)

***Wahoo! We have a winner! Congrats to Mothergoosemouse! She gets the book to check it out for herself! Thanks to all that commented!***

Back in March SoccerMom Nicole asked us who was interested in a book review for a book that takes up the argument that women can not afford to opt out of the workforce. Intrigued and ready for a challenge, I jumped at the chance. The book, The Feminine Mistake: Are We Giving Up Too Much, by Leslie Bennetts, arrived at the end of March and I sat down to read it in the beginning of April. A few chapters into the book, I put it down and walked away from it. At the time, I couldn't figure out why the book was so hard for me to read. Was it because some of the points in it made me mad? Was it because I felt that the book wasn't fair to stay at home moms? Did I just not like the way it was written? I just didn't know.

I took some time off from reading it, but left it in my living room, in a spot where I would see it everyday until I could figure out WHY I didn't want to pick it up again. Then one the light in my attic went on. I didn't like reading the book because it just hit to close to home for me.

Bennetts' main theme through out the book is that a MAN is not a financial plan for life. She smacks you in the face with reality frequently through out the book as she explores why our society glorifies the idea that being a stay at home mom is the only way you can be a good mom. She points out the unspoken truth that many marriages do not survive, due to divorce or death, and demonstrates time and time again how many women end up alone, with no money, no assets and their children to raise.

The thing is, this book is the harsh reality of the life I lead growing up. I was raised by a single mother who had no college education, no money, no job and 2 young children when she was widowed at the ripe age of 29. My mom's financial plan WAS my dad and she was in for the shock of her life when he died. Lucky for my brother and I, she got her act together, figured out a way to make it work and raised us well. However, as Bennetts discovered in her multiple interviews with women across the country, my mom is an exception to the norm. Women across the United States are being left with nothing following divorce and death because they choose to do what they thought was the right thing for their children, aka "being a good stay at home mom."

So, what does this author say women should do? Well, she talks a lot about how important it is for women to work and create their own nest egg. She is a firm believer in separate financial accounts for husbands and wives. She wants women to be educated on how to support themselves and have their own money. She repeatedly discusses equal partnership in parenting between mothers and fathers, as well as equally sharing household chores.

Bennetts book is good, but it has some missing parts:

1. While I found the book to be enlightening I was also frustrated at the same time. I was disappointed that she focused mainly on middle to upper class women in her book, not really touching on how her philosophies applied to women of the lower classes.

2. I continually said out loud while reading it "Why should women let other people spend all day with their children, if they DO NOT HAVE TO (or want to)?" Just to be sure they are "safe?"

3. While I am a woman who works part time and is a full time Mom and I am strongly independent, I am also a woman who loves to be a Mrs. I love being a wife and a mother. I love marriage. I love that together we are a unit. I love to see both my name and my husband's name on our checking account. While I see the value in being separate but equal in a marriage, there is a small part of me (well, okay a big part of me) that loves to be the caretaker, the nurturer and NOT to be the primary breadwinner. So, yeah, maybe I am taking a risk by not working full time. Maybe I am not going to be 100% prepared if something happens, but I am okay with that because it's what I am giving up to gain the joy on my husband's face when he get a special treasure from my son that we found outside together while Daddy was at work while still gaining respect from my son that I contribute to our family is more ways than one.

Honestly, I could go on and on regarding this book, but I know I need to keep it kinda short...so here's the deal I have for you wonderful readers: Leave me a comment (or two, or three). Tell me what you think about this idea that women are giving up too much to be stay at home mothers. One lucky commenter will be the recipient of a copy of this book so she (or he!) can formulate their own opinions of this mind opening book. (I have a number in my head already, in case you were wondering how I am going to pick the commenter!) Be sure to leave your email (either in the comment or attached to your name) so I can contact the lucky winner! Happy commenting....

What Can You Do?

Shortly after I met my now husband I discovered that he was a nature lover. He loved to be outside and cared deeply about environmental issues. "Hmm", thought I, "the environment, yeah, I guess that IS important." Little did I know at the time, but his passions would soon become mine.

Now, don't think of us as these crazy people who shove their crazy ideas and theories about how the planet is going to explode in 3.1 nanoseconds from now because of the true sadness that is our environment. That's not us. We like to think of ourselves as along the lines of "What can I do now, to make the environment better for my kids later down the line?"

Before our son was born, my husband mentioned that he wanted to cloth diaper our soon to be arriving offspring, because it'd be better for the environment. I laughed in his face. Seriously, laughed at him. Once our son was 3 months old I'd HAD it with the garbage disposable diapers produced and kicked myself for having to admit that he was right. Sheepishly, I told him how I felt and we jumped into the cloth diapering world. It was one of the best decisions I ever made. Our amount of garbage decreased so much we couldn't believe it (we did still use disposable diapers for night time and for traveling). Yeah, I had more laundry to do. Yeah, it was kinda gross. But, it had it's benefits too. The diapers are cute. They make it so easy to do nowadays. The diapers look neat hanging on the line to dry (when I could do that). We'll reuse them for our daughter when we finally bring her home. It's better for the enviornment! Our son potty trained at 2 years 2 months because he knew what it felt like to be wet. Imagine that.

Recently, a friend introduced us to the idea of composting. We had talked about it before, but never did the research. Now, we've decided to buy a composter in the spring and we'll have even less GARBAGE! We actively recycle everything we can too, so our goal is to be down to one to two bags of garbage a week. We'll see how that goes.

So, as I was developing this post in my head (my first here at SoccerMom Vote, I feel so honored to be here). I thought about us and how we feel that if we can make the smallest difference in our daily contributions to the world, what if I challenge others to do the same thing. Wouldn't that at least make a small dent in the improvement of the environment? Yeah, it might. I know there are naysayers out there who are reading this saying "Jane, the little thing I do isn't going to make one bit of difference. The world is going to fall into a hole and there is nothing you can do about it." Maybe those negative people are right, but maybe they aren't. The truth is, we seriously just don't know what is going to happen in the future. So, let's give it a shot anyway, mmmk? Because, my little heart wants to believe that if we do something small, it will turn into something big as time goes on. Why? you ask. It's easy. We're Moms. Our children look up to us and respect us. So, if we do one little act to help the environment, they might do it too. They might even teach their kids to do it. Heck, they might even do what we teach them and more!!!

So that's my question to you all. What can you do to help the environment? I am not asking for something big here (like cloth diapering or composting, that's us, we're freaks like that). I can already tell you that I decided my small thing is going to be to start walking my son to playgroup when the weather gets warmer. Seriously, I do NOT need to drive him the stinking 4 blocks (about a half mile) it is to get there. That's just sad. So, yes, I'll still drive him now because dude, it's cold out there. But when it's warm? I am going to get my little heiny out of bed 10 minutes earlier and we are going to walk to playgroup. Walking will have it's benefits too. I'll get more quality time with my son, I won't use gas and I'll get some exercise! (BONUS!)

So how about you? What small thing can you do? Is there somewhere you can walk to, but drive because it's easier? Can you finally call to get that recycling bin so you can start recycling? Can you buy the bigger jar of applesauce and dish it out into reusable plastic containers for your kid's lunches instead of buying the already made small cups that people trash? Can you wash out your ziploc bags and reuse them just once? Can you buy a Christmas tree that can be planted in your yard to enjoy all year long? Can you put a large bin in your backyard (out of kiddos reach of course) to catch rainwater to help water your plants?

Talk to me. Help me. Take my challenge. Do one thing to help the earth. Just one. That's all I ask. ;)