I want a strong First Spouse, thank you very much.

She was shy and not particularly attractive, but she was smart and socially aware. She married a man who was destined to be a leader, and as he worked his way through various positions in government, her interest in, and support for, various social issues grew.

When she first discovered her husband's infidelities, their relationship evolved into more of a political partnership, and when he became President, as First Lady she used his office and her own considerable influence to push for change.

Her work and her efforts were met with both high praise and considerable criticism and ridicule, but she soldiered on, serving as a model for women pushing the boundaries and taking on new roles. When her husband was no longer President, her own political career continued. She continued to work in the public sphere until her death in 1962.

Eleanor Roosevelt remains my hero. When I was a child, hers was one of the few biographies of women available to third grade girls doing reports on influential public figures. Reading about her shaped my view of what women should be doing with their lives, even if they are also mothers. It's the old "to whom much is given, much is required" philosophy. If your husband is in a position of power (or you are), you had better be taking the opportunity to make the world a better place.

It's been 75 years (to the day) since Eleanor became First Lady, but I'm not sure that we are yet comfortable with having an active woman with her own opinions and agenda in that role. I think the dislike of Hillary Clinton began with her role as a First Lady with ideas and influence. Even in this day and age, is America afraid of that?

I want a strong first spouse, thank you very much. The simpering "I leave all the decisions to George" ways of Laura Bush make my blood run cold. Yet, I wonder if that isn't the model that appeals to most Americans. Think about it. Hillary has been attacked since her first days on the national scene. So was Theresa Heinz (-Kerry); Elizabeth Edwards has her decision to campaign questioned again and again; and now people are starting to go after Michelle Obama. And isn't it interesting that it's the Democratic spouses who seem the most likely to step out of their husbands' shadows and into the harsh glare of the lights.

On the Republican side we have a disturbing parade of helpmeets and trophy wives. Cindy McCain, Ann Romney, Jeri Thompson, and  wait, has anyone actually seen Mike Huckabee's wife outside of that Christmas ad? What's her name? The only exception to this was possibly Judi Giuliani, and well, we all know how that went.

Ladies, at least take a page out of Nancy Reagan's book. If your husband should win, you will have an office. Use it.

My mother used to say that the more you stick your neck out, the more people are going to want to chop off your head. It was her way of warning me to develop a thicker skin; that strong women make quicker enemies. I'm not sure it's just a resentment of strong women, really. Madeline Albright didn't have to put up with this garbage. Condoleeza Rice has had a few personal attacks leveled at her, but they were pretty short-lived. As a nation we seem to be okay with women in these positions, but First Lady remains this pedestal position, reserved for redecorating the White House, dressing well, and greeting visiting dignitaries.  It seems like such a waste of resources.

For a while there, I was hoping that our First Spouse this time around would be male, that he would have some ambassadorial role and that maybe we could put an end to this "First Ladies should be seen and not heard" prejudice once and for all. But if that doesn't happen and the Obamas go to the White House, I hope that Michelle is polishing her armor. She may just need it.

Comments

[Avery]

To suggest that Laura Bush and Cindi McCain are trophy wives is ignorant. Both champion causes that they believe in and have their entire lives. Do some research.

Simply because they aren't on the stump, shouting at the top of their lungs for their man, does not suggest that they aren't strong. Strength takes on many forms and I prefer mine with quiet dignity.

[angie]

To say that being a help meet is a bad thing makes my blood run cold. Feminism has done its best to ruin my life so far, and I am fighting as hard as I can to keep it from succeeding.

I agree with Avery. In fact, it takes more strength to support and help your husband than to push your own agenda.

[Lisse]

Well, I am aware that these women do charity work. I just see a difference in working to plug holes in a system that doesn't work and working to fix the system.

[molly]

I wholeheartedly agree with you. One reason I like Michelle Obama is because of her strength, intelligence and willingness to speak her mind. While I think she may take a slightly less front and center roll than Hillary did (because of the age of her children), I have a feelings she will be a leader on her own.

I am also fairly certain, though, that the quieter spouses have influenced their husbands too, just more behind the scenes. I think there is a fine line to walk for the First Lady. SHE was not elected. It may not fly to have her take a visible role in Presidential policy, but surely she can be a leader in serious issues that interest her and not just typically woman issues.

Also, I think part of Hillary's problem was the manner in which she went about things. Health care reform might have passed if she had not handled it as she did. She alienated much of Washington and chose to be secretive. Of course that raises people's hackles. If you have not already read it, you might read Carl Bernstein's A Woman in Charge. It is a fairly unbiased biography about her.

[Joan Grim]

Women are held to so many standards they don't know how to behave. Choosing a role is especially vexing if gaining a national political position is their goal. The male dominated media & political establishment has determined what constitutes the rightness or wrongness of our behaviors.Women who publicly step out of the roles males think they should maintain are skewered,aka Eleanore Roosevelt, Nancy Reagan, Elizabeth Edwards, Michelle Obama & Hillary Clinton. They were all portrayed as "wrong", "divisive", "scheming" "calculating", (pick an adjective) when they bucked conventional wisdom by either speaking their opinions or carving a path to achieve their goals.
Remember, my women friends- we were the LAST group to gain the legal rights to vote because men thought us as too simple minded & weak. This pernicious value exists today and is exemplified by the lack of women in power positions across the spectrum.
We should not be apologizing for our methods to gain a seat at the table in politics or business. Nor should we demonize other women for the paths they choose. We need to set our agenda as women and institutionalize our differing paths as complimentary choices. Only then will we move past stereotyping ourselves and defining our accomplishments independent from male imposed conditions.