Opening up a can of holy worms...

My first topic of discussion in this forum is a sensitive one and one that I usually try to avoid on my personal blog. And, just like a can of biscuits left in the back seat of a hot car, if I attempt to poke at it and dance around the subject, I could end up making a gooey mess of myself. And, yet, somehow I must jump in, pull that label off the can and press into the seam of the matter—the real pressure points for me—to ever get to the buttery goodness inside. Right?

OK, so putting all really gross food analogies aside, (deep breath) here goes...

I grew up in a very small church in my hometown--population two traffic lights. I am still a member of this church denomination today, although I have had times of questioning which religion best fits with my beliefs. Our church has been embroiled in a major controversy between the national church and the head church in Europe over the consecration of a gay bishop. Have I narrowed this down enough yet for you to figure it out?

But, my church denomination is really not important because these issues are being discussed in most of the major Christian religions currently. It is more about trying to understand the generations before me and also about deciding whether certain political actions taken by my church’s governing body are, in fact, something that now puts a label on me if I remain a member of said church.

If you read my introduction to this forum, you know that I’m right in the middle, politically speaking. I tend to vote more conservatively. However, when it comes to social issues, I lean more to the left. This does not fit with most of the older generation of my family, as well as my church family. There are times I find myself cringing at their comments because I find something they say so utterly unacceptable.

Recently, I sat through a series of meetings discussing the whole same-sex unions/gay bishop consecration issue being decided in our national church. I live in Texas, a supremely red state. My church is known for filling the pews more with those 65 and older, than it is for attracting the young crowd. But, even with those facts in place, the events that unfolded on this particular evening shocked me.

Our new minister had just finished a long and rather rambling discussion of the current issues in front of our national church, and how he feels those issues will impact our church, as well as our connection with our church roots in Europe. At the end of the speech, he asked for questions. After more than an hour of sitting, I heard the rustling of everyone shifting in their chairs, and knew that something big was coming. Then, someone just asked the question most everyone there wanted to know—would our new minister support a decision by the national church to allow gay unions in our church or openly gay people to be ordained? Or would he follow our Bishop and the “old church” in forbidding such actions.

The new minister, now on the spot, basically said that he’d support our Bishop in this matter and the old church, and that he did not feel gay unions were to be recognized in a church at this time. But, before the words were out of his mouth completely, the room burst into applause. A few older men behind me even yelled out, “YEAH!” as if they were watching a football game and cheering for a great play made by their team.

My jaw dropped, as did my heart. I had recently become more involved at church and had started to make friends, even with some of the older crowd. I felt like I was witnessing something very disturbing and wrong. And, as the applause jolted me and my heart began to race, I looked up at our new young minister—who is only a year or so younger than me in age and has children the same age as my own. His face fell too, and he immediately and forcefully said back to the cheering crowd, “Let me finish, please! I will not condone same sex unions in this church, but I would lay my own LIFE DOWN if I allow a homosexual person to ever be run out of this church or be treated with anything but love and compassion here.”

As he said this, I heard a silence fall and then a few claps and words of approval, not so surprisingly from a few of the other younger families present. And, then my eyes met his and I could see in his the same disappointment and surprise that I felt as well. These dear people who give so much to their community and genuinely have wonderful and loving hearts, had in one moment shook everything that I believed in.

I came home and told my husband, who said the scene would have bothered him as well. When I could not get it out of my head, I emailed my minister. And, this is some of what I said. It describes very clearly how I feel on this subject

“…I know that people have strong viewpoints on gays in church, and I knew that coming in to the meeting. I guess I do not. I am not sure why this upset me in the way it did, but it really did.

Am I a liberal? Well, not really. Politically speaking, I find myself right in the middle. Personally speaking, I'm very conservative and so is my husband. But, none of that should really matter when I am in church. Right? That's not what church is about is it?

And, maybe that is why the uproarious applause to your first statement about gay marriage bothered me. You see, I am not someone who knows every passage of the Bible. I grew up in a small town church that was too small to even have an organized Sunday School.

So, I find myself learning much more as an adult about the foundation of our church and its beliefs. But, whether I can quote the Bible or not, I am a Christian all the same. I may not fully know the passage where it says that being gay is an abomination of the Lord, but I do know that the Lord asks that we not judge others. I know that church is about love and acceptance. It's about reaching your hand out to another person, no matter what they believe or what sort of sinner they are, and holding it in prayer and thanksgiving--because we are all sinners. And, what I believe is that it is not my place to judge whether or not two gay people are more worthy of God's love than I am. We all sin. We're all very blessed to have God's love. Period.

I don't know why I am writing you this, except that when everyone cheered for the "no gay unions" part of what you said, I saw a surprised look on your face that seemed to match my own. And your response was so touching to me, because it is exactly what I believe. Church is about loving others. And, that's what our focus should be.

My minister replied back with a really supportive email and enthusiastically asked if he could share my letter with the vestry of our church, because he said he felt it really reflected the feelings of a lot of our generation in a way that they might understand. I was honored and glad that I spoke out. But, it really doesn’t change a lot. He also told me he’d been told later that the applause was more because people were just glad that someone took a clear stance—and didn’t dance around or avoiding the subject as the higher ups in our church have done for so many years now.

This sort of rhetorical dance-around is present in responses by the international church body to the recent actions of our national church to begin making provisions for developing public blessings for same sex unions:

“We urge all provinces that are engaged in processes of discernment regarding the blessing of same sex unions to engage the Communion in continuing study of biblical and theological rationale for and against such unions. Such a process of study and reflection needs to include clarification regarding the distinction, if such exists, between same sex unions and same sex marriage. This call for continuing study does not imply approval of such proposals.”
Excerpt from the Lambeth Commission’s “Windsor Report”

My church is still in a state of controversy and flux, and I find myself more torn than ever. Our Bishop has said if the national church approves same sex unions, which would be in open defiance of the old church in Europe, we will split from it and remain connected to our European roots. Because that is what the overwhelming majority of his church congregations believe and want to continue to follow. Should this happen, I don’t know what I would do.

Some, when faced with this stance by their church, might quickly separated themselves and find a denomination that better mirrors their own beliefs. But, is that the answer really? There are so many things about my church that reflect what I strongly believe Christianity embodies. Is it better to walk away in protest over one policy for which I disagree, or stay and work to make things better? Or is the issue at hand such a huge one in terms of human rights that I should refuse to accept this discrimination? Am I being weak in staying? What do you think? And, if given the same situation, what would YOU do?

Comments

[mothergoosemouse]

Oy. I don't know if my feedback is at all helpful, considering that I'm a heathen, but church or no church, I can't abide prejudice and cruelty.

I feel for your minister. He's in a tough spot. Given that he's new, I'd stick by him for a while. Perhaps a change is possible - not that you can change the minds of the older set, but perhaps you can add younger, more progressive minds to the congregation.

[sandy]

I think it's much the same as everything else in our lives - you make a choice of which issue(s) are make or break. You make a choice if it's an all or nothing. And only you can make that choice.

Our denomination has a similar struggle. They get around the issue by being quite general in their staements. It's not "gay people can not be ordained" it's "no one having sex outside of marriage can be ordained."

I'm trying to get my hands around understanding the latest in my state. Remember, I'm from NJ. We're now one of the few states recognizing civil unions for same-sex couples. And yet there is still a roaring debate going on here because of semantics. Marriage vs Union. It's making my head spin.

[Nicole]

We are going through the very same struggles. My husband and I have been discussing that a lot lately. Christianity is supposed to be about love but when it comes to the gay issue it really brings out the darker side of people. And the judgement. We have been going to the same kind of church you've been going to and find outselves going less and less. We actually called out old priest from Texas a couple days ago to ask him about our concerns and to our dismay, he said he was feeling very frustrated with the whole thing, too, and wondering about the church's relevance to modern people. He said that right now the church is in as much upheaval as it has been since Pentacost! I don't know what to tell you. If you think you are able to serve others through your church, maybe you should stay. Since people are not perfect, it's unrealistic to think a church could be...

[LadyBug Crossing]

Okay - here's my take. I'm in the same denomination and I stand politically conservative, but socially, I, too, am more liberal.

My answer to the elders I speak with is this: Do you want people to live a lie because it makes you feel better? You liked these people before you found out their sexual preference - what changed? They are still the same people they were five minutes ago.

Unfortunately the church is full of sinners. These are not perfect people who are open and embracing as they should be. You are not weak in staying - you are strong. You can help change views. You can be an instrument in helping people see things differently.

There was a time when black and white people married it was a big deal. Now it isn't. I think the same is true for homosexuality. Eventually it will be a non-issue. Time... it all takes time...

xo
LBC

[Nicole]

When it comes to issues of religion and inclusivity, I am a bonafide radical. Homosexuals should be welcome in the Christian church, their committed unions should be blessed, and they should be eligible for leadership positions.

I think your voice is needed in your church. You may find yourself in the minority, and you may find yourself pushed a bit to the margin. But when it comes down to it, Christianity is -- at its core -- about social justice. What would Jesus do? He would embrace the homosexual man and woman as his brother and sister.

Incidentally, you might like to read Bishop John Spong's writings, if you haven't already. He's a member of your denomination and a radical like me. ;)

[Mrs. Flinger]

Actually, I spent the past three days talking to my Dad about a topic so similar to this, I had a post written and re-written in my head forty times but it never came off as well as yours.

I seem to struggle with the Christian/Love bit always about this time of the year and the belief in a book that makes no sense to me. Raised in a Catholic church in South Houston myself, I know exactly what you're talking about. And yet, there are many many of us in the same situation (from comments above and your post) that feel the conservative community CAN and SHOULD embrace gays and love everyone because isn't that the right thing to do? And while Church isn't the political conservative, per-say, it stands often on that side and I think there's a new era that includes both sides of many stories and implements the core of what we've been taught. Love and compassion.

I love that you wrote your Bishop. I would've done the same. :-)